Disney
Warning: Adult LanguageWatchReadDisneyRealism is becoming increasingly harder to come by
In modern times, As it seems like denial and rose-tinted idealism Have infected the way we raise our young; Over-protected children Evolve into under-exposed adults Who refuse to be bothered by any reality That would offend their delicate sensibilities And bring cataclysm to carefully constructed universes In which marriage lasts forever, The enemies we’re fighting are always evil, People are only poor if they don’t work, And if you try hard enough, You’ll get your fairy-tale ending. And we can thank Disney for that last fallacy, But the truth is, Disney only told you half the story Because the lady, the tramp, Oliver and company, And all one hundred and one Dalmatians Were all spayed and neutered; Dumbo, Winnie the Pooh, Simba, Bambi and Balloo Now all reside on a hunting lodge’s wall; Gepetto developed a penchant For toying with young boys So he joined the clergy, And Pinocchio is still in therapy; Esmerelda eventually came back to Quasimodo, But only so she can benefit From the massive disability checks he gets; And Belle was forced to flee to Arkansas After charges of bestiality surfaced, But Gaston lives on Working for a male escort service; Mary Poppins got old and retired And was doing just fine Until one day she was sued by The very children who she used to take care of Who blame their early onset diabetes On too many spoonfuls of sugar; Finally liberated from her father’s expectations of marriage, after some experimentation Jasmine became a flying carpet eater, and eloped to France with a woman named Mel. Aladdin morphed into a misogynistic monarch, But was deposed As soon as the US found oil in Agrabah. Alice refuses to come back to real life And her friends are beginning to realize She’s addicted to hallucinogens, But Wonderland keeps calling her back again and again; Sleeping beauty came to conclude After suffering from years of domestic abuse That just because someone has the ability to open your eyes Doesn’t mean they can’t be the world’s worst husband, But she still thinks if she waits it out, in the end Everything will be ok; And Cinderella is… doing fine, actually She’s now a princess with a huge home And servants of her own Who are being paid minimum wage And are treated just as badly as she was back in the day, But hey, It’s not a princess’s job to worry about those kinds of things; Wendy still waits by her window every night, Wishing on every second star to the right That Peter would take her back to Neverland But he can’t. He died in a fight with Captain Hook, Who then took his own life Because he’d lost his sense of purpose; And Snow White won fairest in the land Five years in a row, But then got addicted to blow After she lost her crown and her heart To some skinny young upstart And it’s even harder to lose 20 pounds in a month But she did it… At the expense of her gag reflex Which helps Now that she sells herself In the red light district of the kingdom. We can’t like our lives for the happily ever after Because if we do, We end up in this sort of “eventually” mentality: I’ll find my prince… eventually I’ll kick this habit… eventually Everything will be ok… eventually And the only real remedy Is to stop looking for the somewhere over the rainbow Because if you’ve already got the rainbow… Enjoy it. Not everyone does. |